Monday, September 28, 2009

House repairs have been APPROVED

As the title states: The repairs that we asked for on the home have been approved and we will be closing shortly. Pia and I are very excited.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Cannibalism is deliciousnessism

BAbraham has decided we don't feed him enough and that he will supplement his milk diet with some good old fashioned meat (specifically from him own hand).
Obviously he is trying to learn how to suck his thumb, but...... well..... he's learning.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Lessons in video editing and child abuse

I recently took a video of my son in my arms as I gently swayed him back and forth. The video was about 20 seconds in length, but then I decided to edit it. My computer has some amateur video editing stuff built in, so I sped up the video by 4 times, and now the video is a five second demonstration of child abuse as I violently shake my child to and fro. I would post it, but I haven't found a way to add Benny Hill music yet, and Pia and I would rather not have our child taken away.
No news on the house and we continue to wait. I hope we find out on Monday; my fingernails can't take much more of this.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

House news and the reason I don't slam doors...... anymore

I will find out tomorrow if my wife and I will be closing on a home that we have been working toward, or have to walk away and start the search all over again. I am stressed about it, but it's just a house, so I don't really care that much. If it doesn't work out, I won't be too bothered about it, because I would rather not live in Arizona anyway, but the benefits of having a home near my parents and brother far outweigh my personal desire to live somewhere else. I will write tomorrow as things unfold, but for anyone who really gives a crap, you will probably end up hearing much before I get to write it here.

When I was in between 5-7 (I only know the ages because of the house I was living in at the time) I was having a fight with a friend (it was probably because he was a cheap bastard at 4-square). He came over to my house one day and knocked on the door (probably came over to apologize for Dragon Punching in a round in which it was prohibited). Someone called me to the door which was open with him standing on the opposite side of a closed screen. I don't remember if I talked to him or just slammed the door in his face, but I do remember I threw that door as hard as I could closed.
It's at this time I would like to mention that my mother has always had jobs in which she was receiving boxes at home. One of these boxes just happened to be in the path in between the swinging door and the door frame (intended point of destination for the door).
I slammed the door with every muscle in my 5 - 7 year old body. The door hit the box and came back full force into my head. Don't worry, the flat part missed my head completely, it was the end of the door (the corner) that hit me right in the forehead.
I don't remember if I cried...... I probably cried, but I never slammed a door on anyone ever again. You only have to hit this kid in the head with a door once.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

A lesson in anatomy

I have 3 brothers and no sisters, so as one can imagine, there was (amongst other things) a lot of mystery when it came to the female anatomy.
Once, when camping with my family and some extended family (I don't remember anything about this time other than this particular story, so I must have been about 6) my brother was talking to me about how girls pee. He couldn't figure it out, and wanted me (remember, I am 6) to clear things up for him. He asked me to ask one of my female cousins if they peed from their butt as we had hypothesized. So I went and asked and my cousin must have been confused by the question because for the longest time in my childhood, I was certain that she had confirmed, and that was the way it worked.
As a side note pertaining to the blog, you should really thank me that I decided to omit pictures from this post.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Sprite: The coolest pop ever.... ever

There is a new trend in promotions, and just about everything else, that I don't understand. It's Twitter yes, but that's not the conversation for today. I don't understand all the texting going on.
Yes, I understand texting is a great way to communicate quickly when a phone call is not appropriate, it's a non-confrontational way to say "no" to someone, and it's a good way to get in an accident on the freeway, but what I don't understand is all the texting in promotions. The radio station that I listen to wants me to text the word "music" to them and if I am the 500th text, I can win concert tickets. Post midnight commercials want me to text the word "babe" to some 5 digit number and I will get some sexy babe pictures on my phone, and Sprite wants me to text the code underneath the cap to redeem a prize.
Concert tickets and sexy babe pictures didn't get me to text, but when I heard Sprite prizes, I guess it was too much to handle. I caved and sent the following text to 77483, "4W49 RAW7 KBBM."
I got a text back that reads, "Sprite UTC: Hey! We need ur bday 2 get started. Reply STOP 2 end, HELP 4 info. Othr chrgs may aply."
O....M.....G Sprite, U R like da bom....U R the culest pop co eva. I cant blve how cul u'r abbrevs R. U R so ttly w/ it. & whn I say IT, I meen evrytang. Im imprsd dat sumthin U cld hv just speld out, U tuk da time to mayk luk all texty.

Needless to say, I didn't reply with my birth date. Initially I thought they were asking for my E-bay account and thought they might have had some cross promotion with e-bay, but no, it was bday.
I recently watched a movie from the early 90s about a surfer kid from California that goes to Ohio (or something like that) to live with his aunt and uncle for a summer. He uses phrases like, "Chill out man," and words like, "bro (pronounced bra)." The movie didn't age well because you watch it now and everyone sounds ridiculous (they probably sounded pretty stupid in the early 90's too, but there was a large part of the culture that bought into that crap). I hope that texting language ends up the same way. Seeing their attempt at linguistic mutuality with their customer seems so forced and desperate.
So, here's to you Sprite: Linguistic masterminds and da culest pop co eva.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Hell yes I want my nickel

One afternoon a couple of months ago I visited a Mexican dining establishment that I frequent. I ordered my number 3 (grilled stuffed burrito, stale chips with processed cheese-like substance and a carbon based beverage) and was given a total of four dollars and ninety-five cents. Adding to the uniqueness of this situation, I, for some reason, had cash. I pulled up to the window and a young woman, wearing a purple uniform repeated the total. I gave her the five dollars and she thanked my as the currency exchanged hands. She stepped slightly away from the window to insert the money into the register and then looked back at me and asked, "Did you want your change?" I was almost sure that there was no way that she just asked me if I wanted my change so I said, "I'm sorry, what?"
"Do you want your change," there was no mistaking it this time. This girl wanted to steal my .05. I didn't know what to say. For a moment I thought, just let her have it, because she has already brought up the idea that no one would want a nickel change; just let her hang on to it. Rationality caught a hold of me in that moment and even though it took me a moment to reply, I replied, "uhm.....ya, I want my change." The young employee then explained that most people, when the amount of change is so low just tell her to keep it. She explained this as she placed the nickel in my palm with a forced smile. I felt like Scrooge, but I had my nickel.
This story brought about a few topics to discuss and I may not discuss them entirely here, just some food for thought.
1. What is the line that she makes in between when to ask if the person wants their change and when to just hand them their damned change like she should be doing in the first place?
2. If she asks every person if they want their change, how much is she supplementing her income?
2a. She makes minimum wage, so it's possible that this is a significant percentage of her income, possibly and additional 20%-25%.
3. How much change would you give up?

Personally. If the total were $4.99 and she asked me if I wanted my change, I would have looked at her like she was crazy and had the same response I did previously, "Hell yes I want my nickel."
(I can't seem to add the pictures I want at work, so I will have them on this evening)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Return of the money whores we endearingly refer to as educators

Sure educators aren't the problem, but rather the system that is used to underpay them while still gouging the students as much as humanly possible. Two classes at Arizona State University cost me 3000.00. Actually it cost me 2998.00, but who's counting. In contrast, I am also taking 2 classes at the community college (one for a prerequisite and the other just for fun) and it is going to cost me 451.00. One of the classes at the community college is a lab and has a corresponding fee which is included in the number above. Thank heaven for community colleges. Now that I have a child I may be more eligible for financial aid than I was in the past, but we will see after the sale on the house finally closes.
I haven't written in a long time and a lot has happened. I went to Italy with my mom (because I hate my wife (actually she was 6 months pregnant and probably shouldn't have gone.)) I will discuss that later.
I am actually in my programming class now, but everyone else in on so I thought it would be appropriate for me to do this. My speaks dork, which might as well be Chinese. There are step by step instructions for the assignments online, so I am not even sure why I am in class to begin with, but here I am, because I gotst to get smart quickerly.

So, here I am.....writing...... Life is getting back into a routine which makes it easier for me to find time to write (apparently in class) You will hear more from me in the future.
The spawn is doing well. He is still not ugly, which makes me love him more.
More to come