Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Animal Cracker Psychopath

How do you eat an animal cracker?
Like any sane human being, you bite the head right off that cracker animal.

Abraham, on the other hand, is the BTK of animal cracker consumption. He starts by slowly soggying each extremity and then nibbling from toe to torso, each leg of the poor animal. His bites are small and calculated. He makes sure that each piece causes more and more anguish to the cookie. When the cracker is left an extremity-less mess of torso and head, he turns his attention to the tale and nibbles it to a nub. He then breaks the cookie in half, the first act of mercy, but wait. He then faces the cookies eyes towards him so it can watch him slowly consume its lower half. He doesn't bite into this piece, no. He slowly puts it on his extended tongue and makes the cracker watch as its bottom half slowly melts into a doughy saliva, at which point, Abe rubs the cookie into the pool of mush. He removes the top half of the animal from his mouth, looks at intently and smiles, right before he spits the cookie paste on the floor.
He plays with the remaining cookie for several minutes, sliding it around on the table, and chair. Sliding it along the rough, half eaten edge. Small sand-like stars of sugar and cookie leave a trail of crumbs along his play route. And when he is done, when all the entertainment that could be derived from the animal cracker has been had, he gives the upper torso and head to our dog Francis.

Well, this post started out real, but I couldn't help but indulge myself. The thought of animal cracker torture was too good to just write that Abe doesn't eat the head first.

A quick update on some things real:

-The house is almost up for sale. Pia and I (mostly Pia) have been spending most of our time cleaning up the house (painting, washing walls, etc.)

-While I received a phone call from Fidelity confirming that I got the job, no official e-mail has come. They asked me which office I prefer and I unequivocally said Salt Lake (although I did say that I would accept either location). The more time it takes, the more likely it is that they have me waiting for a position in Salt Lake as opposed to American Fork; but this fact doesn't put me completely at ease about selling my house before I have a written offer. If the phone call was from some friend playing a joke on me, it would be the practical joke of a lifetime.

-I bought Minecraft for Abraham (okay, I have played more than he has). We used to play car racing games together (about 30 minutes, once a week or so), but now he just wants to build houses. I think that it's awesome. I built a replica of our current home which was a lot of fun. Minecraft is really just digital Legos and I am happy that Abe likes it. I read a lot of tech news and more and more I read that kids need to learn to program. A child should learn and instrument, but they also need to learn to code. Computer programming will only become more relevant and it's a skill that will put my kids miles ahead (unless they refuse to do it or hate it, which is probably going to be the case).

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Trek to Utah

Heck yeah I am nervous.