Friday, September 23, 2011

Things That Get You Through The Day

I don't have a great story for this post, but I do want to push my previous post off the front page because even though it's been almost 10 years, that is still horribly embarrassing. Also, from her I comment, I gather my mother is so ashamed of me that she regrets my entire existence. My wife also endlessly makes fun of my for the box of rocks, but I wouldn't have told the story if I wasn't prepared for other people to make the same judgement about me that I have kept with me for almost a decade (what an idiot).

Moving on...

Not working continues to be an amazing experience. Evelyn is doing great and Abe is just as awesome as ever. Pia and Evelyn may go to church on Sunday, but that completely depends on how Pia feels. It's fun to show off something that you have been working on for so long. Showing off a new baby is a big ego booster because some people LOVE babies and no matter how ugly, slow, or disfigured your kids are, they will say they are the most beautiful baby they have ever seen. Now, I don't need someone else's judgments to make me feel good about my new child, but having my ego stroked never hurt anyone.

I also like passing Evelyn around because it seems to make people genuinely happy. For many people, holding a baby can just put them in a better place. It reminds them of the love they have for their own kids or happier times or something. My mom almost starts crying every time she holds Evelyn, which makes us want to bring her over to my parent's house all the time because of how happy it makes my mom.

I would be lying if I said that having Evelyn lay on my chest as Hercules (the dog) laid on legs and Abe hugged my arm, didn't make me feel very good.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Second Most Embarrassing Story

The most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me is a story for another time, but this one happened almost a decade ago, so I figure my NDA (non disclosure agreement) with my pride is about up.
My buddy and I were headed inside a local supermarket when a couple of gentlemen called us over to their car. One of the gentlemen sat in the passenger side of their Lincoln Towncar while the one that called us over stood near the trunk. "Hey, you guys want a computer?" he asked? The gentlemen in front seat opened a box to reveal a laptop.
While some people may have been caught off guard or weary of this sort of parking lot commerce, my first reaction was, "how much?" They wanted several hundred dollars and assured us, "this is top of the line s***." I could see that they knew their stuff, but several hundred dollars was more than I was willing to spend on this computer of questionable origins.

I haggled the gentlemen down to 100.00 and I proudly rushed into the store to withdraw the necessary funds for my new laptop. I withdrew my funds and patiently waited for my friend to do the same, but as he put in his PIN he changed his mind and decided that he really didn't need a laptop. He was being dumb, because a 100.00 laptop does not come into your local shopping market parking lot every day. This was a deal of a lifetime and no one would deter me.

I almost ran back the Lincoln yelling, "shut up and take my money." I gave the gentlemen my wad of 20s, they opened the trunk full of laptop boxes and handed me one.

Knowing the legally questionable nature of this transaction, I tucked the box and quickly scurried off to my friend's car.

I put the box on my lap, musing over the great deal I had just made on this laptop and looking at the specs on the box. We got about 2 miles away from the supermarket when it hit me.

I had just bought a 100.00 box of rocks.
There was no laptop in this box in my lap, but rather it was just full of weighty, worthless trash. I shared my revelation with my friend who insisted that I open it immediately. I complied with his request and was surprised to find that there were not rocks, but I was not surprised to find that the box was completely filled with newspapers. I insisted that my friend pull over to I could throw away my new laptop. When he finally stopped laughing he complied and I forced him to promise me that he would never tell anyone about what had just occurred. I kept my shame in silence as well until now, not even my wife knows this story, so there you go.

I'm a total moron.

Monday, September 19, 2011


The best part about having a baby has got to be the not having to work part. My mother in law will be leaving us shortly which means that I will be taking care of Pia and the kids for a week or so. I know that parenting is a harder job than the one I do for money, but I like my kids. I don't like the people I talk to on the phone and even though I don't have to change their diapers, I would rather change feces filled diapers of my kids than have to sell insurance to the degenerates that I have to talk to on a daily basis. Even now, the best part of writing this post is that Evelyn is on my chest sleeping away.

I don't think anyone expected me to be the kind of father that I am (a good one I think), but these little things really grow on you. Like a disease that renders you unable to concentrate on anything else.

Anyway, I am sure all of this fluffy crap will stop shortly and I will get back to my regular cynicism, but I guess you can enjoy my glass half full attitude for a few more days.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I Have Kids

In writing this post I have been thinking of the phrase. "Life is in the details." I looked online to see if that was some great Mark Twain or Abraham Lincoln quote, but unfortunately not; it's just something a bunch of bloggers thought was philosophical sounding enough to use as the title for their blogs.

I am currently relishing the idea that I know have kids. When talking about my children I used to say things like, "I am going to take the boy the the museum," or "I can't believe this jerk-face is still crying." Now I get to say things like, "I am going to put my kids to bed," or "I can't believe these jerk-faces are still crying."

While I know that a family comes in many different shapes and sizes having parents and children somehow (as wrong as it is) seems more legitimate. Pia and I were a family before we had kids; we were a family when Abe joined us and now that Evelyn is here we continue being a family.

I guess in the most forward and incorrect way of thinking. We are no longer a couple w/ a child. One can be a fluke, but two requires planning.
No matter how wrong it may be, it's fun to say kids (it also makes me seem older I guess).
Sorry for the random banter on my musings, but why else are you reading this garbage? Oh of MY KIDS. Well, here you go.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Home From the Hospital

Just a quick note that all is well and that we are finally home from the hospital, more pictures to come.

Friday, September 9, 2011

The Requisite Pictures

Happy Days After a Long Buzz Kill

I will admit that missing that writing job opportunity and a new found addiction to Reddit has kept me away from writing longer than I would have liked, which is a bummer.Happy Days are here again.
Evelyn Bea Lewis joined us in the land of post uterian (spell check wants to say that's not a word, but nuts to spell check) existence. She was born Thursday Sept 8th at 10:29am. She is 20in long weighing a solid 7lbs 12ounces.
Both mother and daughter are doing fine and still recovering at the hospital. She is the spitting image or Abe when he was born (above the belt-line at least), so it could have gone worse. Pia should be home from the hospital on Sunday.
Thank you to all of those who came by, helped us in the pregnancy or just thought about us from time to time. Your thoughts, prayers and hours of service are greatly appreciated and we look forward to returning the favor.