The Second Most Embarrassing Story

The most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me is a story for another time, but this one happened almost a decade ago, so I figure my NDA (non disclosure agreement) with my pride is about up.

My buddy and I were headed inside a local supermarket when a couple of gentlemen called us over to their car. One of the gentlemen sat in the passenger side of their Lincoln Towncar while the one that called us over stood near the trunk. "Hey, you guys want a computer?" he asked? The gentlemen in front seat opened a box to reveal a laptop.

While some people may have been caught off guard or weary of this sort of parking lot commerce, my first reaction was, "how much?" They wanted several hundred dollars and assured us, "this is top of the line s***." I could see that they knew their stuff, but several hundred dollars was more than I was willing to spend on this computer of questionable origins.

I haggled the gentlemen down to 100.00 and I proudly rushed into the store to withdraw the necessary funds for my new laptop. I withdrew my funds and patiently waited for my friend to do the same, but as he put in his PIN he changed his mind and decided that he really didn't need a laptop. He was being dumb, because a 100.00 laptop does not come into your local shopping market parking lot every day. This was a deal of a lifetime and no one would deter me.

I almost ran back the Lincoln yelling, "shut up and take my money." I gave the gentlemen my wad of 20s, they opened the trunk full of laptop boxes and handed me one.

Knowing the legally questionable nature of this transaction, I tucked the box and quickly scurried off to my friend's car.

I put the box on my lap, musing over the great deal I had just made on this laptop and looking at the specs on the box. We got about 2 miles away from the supermarket when it hit me.

I had just bought a 100.00 box of rocks.

There was no laptop in this box in my lap, but rather it was just full of weighty, worthless trash. I shared my revelation with my friend who insisted that I open it immediately. I complied with his request and was surprised to find that there were not rocks, but I was not surprised to find that the box was completely filled with newspapers. I insisted that my friend pull over to I could throw away my new laptop. When he finally stopped laughing he complied and I forced him to promise me that he would never tell anyone about what had just occurred. I kept my shame in silence as well until now, not even my wife knows this story, so there you go.

I'm a total moron.