Monday, May 12, 2014

Dive Kick fan fiction from a 4 year old

Dive Kick said yes he'll never do stuff to us. He'll never kick us in the face. He'll never push us. He said, "No! you can't raise that kick." Dive Kick was saving the school. Dive Kick came to save our school. He came to save our coke; he came to save our life.

The Dive Kick was saving every city, so he kicked every bad guy in the face. The guy with the huge head was the hero and he came to our house and started destroying it and the Dive Kicks came and make him run away. The Dive Kicks said "wow, that was awesome. Wow that Dive Kick was so impressive. I am so smart and again and again forever.

And he said, "yes!" and he kicked people up in the air and he was going somewhere and so I never kicked and rocks and rocks and this trick and Dive Kick was helping us rebuild our house and Spiderman also came and helped us build our house back.
And Dive Kick saved the city.
Thank you Dive Kick.

The End

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Saved the Day

Superheroes saved the car... I better go to my mom.

The end.


Super Heroes Saving the Cars

And they climbed up and saved them. They saved the cars for action. And and and they went to baseball and watched. They loved to save people. They loved to uh, to save people from aliens. And they destroyed the city and the superheroes came and kicked them. They went back home and saved their city. The, uh, were pushing, uh, bad guys. They were, uh, going back home to save their house. They, uh, were going to on a walk and a monster came and walked in front of them; he was a friendly one, good. He was nice to everyone and he was giving them some candy, and then he turned into a bad monster. He was saving a motorcycle in time and he got there. He was saving every city and every cloud. So he was climbing up the ladder, so he was saving our house. So he was saving us for good. He was saving the hats. They were wearing super hero hats and the monster saved them. He was nice to people. He gave them candy. He picked people up and he was being so nice. He ate all of his dinner. He ate a motorcycle. OH THAT'S GROSS TO EAT THAT! IT'S GROSS TO EAT A MOTORCYCLE. He was building us a new house. He built it tiny and we were squished and trapped because he didn't build any doors. We couldn't go outside to ride our bikes. He was being so good. He ate all his dinner.

He turned into a bad monster. He was eating (hmmm... let me think.) He was making good choices. He couldn't kick people in the face. He never pushes people in the face. He never kicks people in the head. Never eats anybody's ice cream. Never eats anyone's house. He always pushes his own motorcycle and he never falls down and gets hurt.

The monster turned into sand and then he was watching bad movies with guns and he wasn't older. He was just 4 years old and he was watching gun movies. That's not very good. That's for grown ups. And then he fell in the water and the water jumped all the way on the sand. And guess what? He jumped on every house and super heroes came and saved the cars from the sand. He was a nice monster super hero. He saved all the people that crashed their cars.

The end.


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Animal Cracker Psychopath

How do you eat an animal cracker?
Like any sane human being, you bite the head right off that cracker animal.

Abraham, on the other hand, is the BTK of animal cracker consumption. He starts by slowly soggying each extremity and then nibbling from toe to torso, each leg of the poor animal. His bites are small and calculated. He makes sure that each piece causes more and more anguish to the cookie. When the cracker is left an extremity-less mess of torso and head, he turns his attention to the tale and nibbles it to a nub. He then breaks the cookie in half, the first act of mercy, but wait. He then faces the cookies eyes towards him so it can watch him slowly consume its lower half. He doesn't bite into this piece, no. He slowly puts it on his extended tongue and makes the cracker watch as its bottom half slowly melts into a doughy saliva, at which point, Abe rubs the cookie into the pool of mush. He removes the top half of the animal from his mouth, looks at intently and smiles, right before he spits the cookie paste on the floor.
He plays with the remaining cookie for several minutes, sliding it around on the table, and chair. Sliding it along the rough, half eaten edge. Small sand-like stars of sugar and cookie leave a trail of crumbs along his play route. And when he is done, when all the entertainment that could be derived from the animal cracker has been had, he gives the upper torso and head to our dog Francis.

Well, this post started out real, but I couldn't help but indulge myself. The thought of animal cracker torture was too good to just write that Abe doesn't eat the head first.

A quick update on some things real:

-The house is almost up for sale. Pia and I (mostly Pia) have been spending most of our time cleaning up the house (painting, washing walls, etc.)

-While I received a phone call from Fidelity confirming that I got the job, no official e-mail has come. They asked me which office I prefer and I unequivocally said Salt Lake (although I did say that I would accept either location). The more time it takes, the more likely it is that they have me waiting for a position in Salt Lake as opposed to American Fork; but this fact doesn't put me completely at ease about selling my house before I have a written offer. If the phone call was from some friend playing a joke on me, it would be the practical joke of a lifetime.

-I bought Minecraft for Abraham (okay, I have played more than he has). We used to play car racing games together (about 30 minutes, once a week or so), but now he just wants to build houses. I think that it's awesome. I built a replica of our current home which was a lot of fun. Minecraft is really just digital Legos and I am happy that Abe likes it. I read a lot of tech news and more and more I read that kids need to learn to program. A child should learn and instrument, but they also need to learn to code. Computer programming will only become more relevant and it's a skill that will put my kids miles ahead (unless they refuse to do it or hate it, which is probably going to be the case).

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Trek to Utah

Heck yeah I am nervous.