Saturday, January 31, 2009


WARNING: This is a long post
As all of us have recently heard there is a woman who had octuplets in California and it was recently released that this woman already had six children. It's not my place to pass judgment on her, but it is my place to pass judgment on the people passing judgment on her. I was surprised by how many children this woman has, but I didn't feel disgusted or annoyed by the news, because really..... I don't care; it won't impact me, and other than the short feeling of sympathy for the long years she has, working really hard for her family, I won't even think twice about this woman or her children, but apparently I am the only person who is so passive about this story. One change that has been made to online news that makes you lose hope in human kind is that now people can leave comments after news stories. Every article turns into a forum in which people can express their opinions on a story. Some opinions are well thought out rebuttals and thought provoking, others are less than that.....much less than that. I read the article in the Arizona Republic about this woman who had octuplets who already had 6 children and read people's responses to the article. I was shocked at how mean and simply horrible people were to response this woman's story.

The following are comments made in regards to the article and my response to each comment.

"great so how much of MY taxes are going to pay to these 14 kids? people need to be more responsible"
- Ok, maybe starting out with a valid point, but instead of offering sympathy, this person immediately thinks of themselves. It doesn't matter if these children were born into a loving or abusive home, you are just pissed because you might have to drop some pennies into their coin jar.

"The woman had enough kids. I just don't understand"
-Understand that people can have as many kids as they please and your understanding should not limit people's lives or how many children they have. I am sure if the world was limited by your understanding we would be living in a very dark place.

"If she pays for them, takes care of them, then she can have as many as she wants."
-Thank you to the one reasonable person on the first page of comments (note that these comments are not a selection, but rather just the first page of comments of 34 pages of comments.)

"whats there to understand? you only need to know that people in this world are idiots. Theres no explaining their behavior."
-One of my favorite things in the whole world is when someone fails to use apostrophes in contractions while they are calling someone else an idiot. It's hard to call someone else stupid when you can't get the grammar right in the attack.

"This woman is a G.D. NUT!! Who the hell would want MORE kids, if you already have 6?????"
-Ok, that's just plain mean.

"A mormon!!"
-And here comes the Mormon bashing. No where in the article did it mention the church but people with their prejudices are never happy. This is the same person that demands respect for their beliefs, but won't provide the same for others, and what if they are Mormon? Then the kids will be taught to love their neighbor, not to drink or smoke, or do drugs......HOLY CRAP! That would be terrible!

"Anyone with an ounce of brains knows that fertility treatments often result in multiple births. Besides, why would anyone with 6 kids want fertility treatments in te first place? Big families are nice if you can afford them, but no doubt, the taxpayers of California will be footing the bill."
-What is wrong with you? Why does someone who has a lot of children deserve to be called named and belittled? And why do you automatically assume that she can't afford the children. Everyone wants to be the victim, so instead of just saying, "wow, that must be rough" they immediately turn it around and make themselves the victim.

"Where is the father in all of this is my question? I am assuming there was one if she already had 6 children..."
-The article mentioned at least 3 times that the woman used in vetro fertilization, but apparently it is not requisite to read the article before one passes judgment.

"Yeah - or perhaps not 1 but 6 fathers..."
-Again, just wow, people are cruel. Do you think you are being funny by being so mean? Of course you do, you are just anonymous internet bully and if you actually had to give your real name and contact information you would not dare to be such an insensitive jerk face.

"There was no mention of a "father" except the woman's father (the babies grandfather) who is going back to Iraq. I would try to escape also. What a mess... and no father figure. I wonder if she has a job besides being a baby factory??????????"
-More insults and more comments by someone who didn't read the article. (It's at this point that I was just shocked. It wasn't one person being mean, but everyone. I don't know what emotion I should feel toward this woman, but it should not be hate or malice.

"Already had six kids and lives with her parents? Looks like someone was trying to get on Oprah to get a bunch of handouts."
- The father of the mother stated to the media that they were going to move and the media would never know where they lived, which is a pretty good indication that they aren't looking for handouts or "help from Oprah," but it's easier to be malicious rather than reading and making an intuitive comment.


I wish these people could be sued for slander, but no, the internet in all of its anonymous glory actually accommodates this kind of just plain mean behavior. If we are judged by our news forums we will be remembered as insensitive selfish bullies who find themselves the victim even in the most fickle headlines. These people are pathetic.

I didn't have any feelings about this story or woman before I read the comments, but now I hope she has kids until she is as barren as Death Valley in July, and then I hope she has 2 more kids, just to spite the pretentious commentators who think they are victimized by how others choose to live their private lives.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Just a note

EDIT: Ok, so I guess this one deserves a disclaimer. I heard my grandmother read the post and was disturbed by its contents, so allow me to explain: This post is meant to be satirical of course. I am making fun of people that when you refer to their unborn child as "it" flip out as if you have just dishonored their family name. The post is a bit extreme on the sarcasm, but hey.....that's just me.
I am so sick of people calling the thing growing in my wife's womb a "baby" It is not a "baby," it's a fetus, so please when referring to the fetus, do not address it as a "baby," it's just not appropriate, it's not a baby yet and please don't try to predestine the fetus to something that it may never become (it may turn out to be something much better than a "baby," like a bunny or Underdog).

Here is a list of appropriate and inappropriate questions and statements in regards to the fetus:

1. How is the fetus doing?
2. Do you know what sex the fetus is yet?
3. That is the cutest fetus I have ever seen.

1. When is the baby due?
2. Is this your first baby?
3. I bet that will be the cutest baby ever.

Please, show some respect for the stages of life and don't call the fetus a "baby." I also found the following sound advice on the internet. Thank goodness for the internet, but now I am at a loss on how to introduce the fetus to our fish.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Little Fetus and other toys your kids shouldn't play with.

Here are pictures from yesterday's doctor's appointment. I will post the video when I get home.
Already a thumbsucker..... man, not even born and already developing bad habits.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I think I just heard your name on the news

I watch the news for about 2 minutes every morning. I don't like watching the news because it makes me lose hope in humanity and the world in general. I watch enough to see if the world has blown up and that's about all I can take. I read the newspaper, but it's just getting harder and harder to not cry when I open my eyes to the world around me, but boy am I glad I was watching this morning. Apparently there has been a controversy for the last couple of days about The mayor of Portland, Oregon and his sexual relationship with an underage intern. That in and of itself didn't really catch my attention, because let's be honest, who cares? People of power use that power for sex and have done so since biblical times. It just happens, what caught my ear was that this intern was male. Now this post isn't to comment on the morality or immortality of homosexuality, but rather the experience of being outed by a Mayor on CNN. If that poor kid wasn't already out of the closet and out in a big way, he had a "shoot me in the face" moment. "Hey, mom, dad, you may have seen on the news, but when I was 17 I had an affair with the Portland Mayor...... ya I know the mayor is a man.
It's always a horrifying experience when your secrets come back to bite you and with them being paraded by magazines, newspapers and the television with your picture next to the older man that you slept with, I am sure it's at least four and half times harder.

I don't have much commentary on this one, just a great moment in "Shoot me in the Face" history.

Love, Life, and The Onion

A quick update on all things my baby. My wife is switching doctors in regards to her pregnancy because the one we have been using has refused to give her an ultrasound or even a due date for that matter, much to the protest of my wife. We don't really have anything to compare it to, so I told my wife that if she wants to change, it is completely up to her. The final straw came when my sister in law accompanied my wife to hear the baby's heart beat, the doctor came in the room by accident and only stayed because in his words, "he was already there." My sister in law confirmed that the doctor was an inattentive piece of pooh and so we have an appointment tomorrow in which we may possibly have an ultrasound.

Other than that, she is doing well. It has been confirmed that the thing growing in my wife's womb is singular which is nice.

Anyway, enough about her, this blog is about me me.

I had a couple of ideas for posts, but the one that I have for today has to do with a dream that I have had for a while. I am a huge fan of The Onion ( I think satire is a thinking man's humor (not to discount other types of humor; I like Dumb and Dumber just as much as the next man). I have always wanted to write an article for the onion, but haven't been able to think of anything truly creative. The Onion is pretty hit and miss. When it's funny, it's very funny, but otherwise it can be amusing, but overall "meh."

I was driving to work and noticed a big elegant sign in a window that ready, "Going out of Business." It was multicolored and approximately 4 feet high by 2.5 feet wide. So, here is the article that that single sign spawned.

Bob's Bad News Banners Thrives amid Crumbling Market

Here on the corner of recession and depression, on the corner of Bankruptcy and Foreclosure, on the corner of failing business and mortgage disasters, on the corner of Broadway and 43rd, on the corner across from that yellow house with green trim where that crazy lady who thinks she can talk to cats lives, stands Bob's Bad News Banners and a testament to survival in this dire market. While unemployment has nearly tripled over the last year, BBNB has doubled its workforce. While major auto companies beg congress for bailouts, BBNB has seen record sales. What does Bob do? you ask. Bob designs specialty signs for businesses, going out of business. "Going out of Business," "Store Closing Sale," "Foreclosure Sale," and even "Moving to Hawaii;" Bob says he can't keep up enough stock for the demand.

"I would get a contract for a retirement sale banner once a week or so, but since the market fallout, I don't know what to do with all the money I am making!" Bob exclaimed. Bob's operation has taken on 3 new employees and is planning its first expansion.
Bob's story of success is an example to all those around him. One florist shop closing due to months of unpaid lease dues is starting a collections agency. "I saw what Bob was doing, making the best of a bad situation, and I thought to myself, how can I cash in on other people's misery? It wasn't but a couple of minutes before I got a call from a collector and it hit me, where there is debt there is need of collection." The florist is not the only person finding new life in the dead economy. Several of the employees from a corner Starbucks have pooled their money together to buy a tow truck that they report will be used for repossessions. "This baby is going to make us millions," part owner John Wilcox said excitedly. When asked how Bob could help others in these times filled with struggled he left us with these words of advice, "The economy is great, just not the main one, sometimes you have to signs to people who go out of business, and after that, sell shopping carts to them when they lose their homes, it's opportunity, and it's knocking, you just have to answer the call."

Meh..... That wasn't as funny as it probably should have been, but really the joke was very singular and probably not funny enough in principle to spawn a good satirical article. I bet with some edits it could be quite a bit funnier. Anyway....Long post, thanks for listening.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Back to the grind

Well, it was a nice couple of weeks, but I am back in school. I am having this incredible inner struggle to overcome my procrastination. There is nothing that I want to do less, than something right now, and I know that this attitude will eventually hurt me a lot, so I am struggling to overcome it now. It's been a rough week, but overall, much more productive than the last couple of months have been (wow, that's really embarrassing). I have some ideas rolling around in my head for blog entries, but I will hash them out in my mind before subjecting anyone to them.
1. Fast food: The picture on the drive-thru VS. what you actually get.
2. Music: Why doesn't music nowadays inspire me like it used to?
3. TV: Why does ABC family seem to talk more about sex and drugs more than any other channel?
4. Movies: What I have seen and why I fell asleep.

and so on.
Oh man, I just want school to be over, but it's good, because at least this way I have my exercise again, running from my car to class and then back again.
More to come.......

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Monday, January 12, 2009

This is what I get for trying to act human

Excuse the last week. It's really your fault. No one reminded me to write in this thing and so it totally slipped my mind. So I guess I forgive you, just don't let it happen again.
Whenever my supervisor listens to me work it's a post just waiting to be written. Let me preface this story with a couple of tidbits of information about myself. I used to do collections and I loved it. Here is why I am good at collections:
1. I have never had personal financial problems sufficient enough to make me empathize with anyone who can't pay their bills every month.
2. I can count on one finger the number of people that I care about that isn’t related to me by either blood or marriage.
3. I hate sob stories. (Complaining about why something happens doesn't do anything to fix the problem)
4. I am stubborn (like a freaking mule)
5. I love a nice justified sense of entitlement (the kind one gets when talking to someone who owes them money)

There are more reasons for which I was so successful at collections, but I will go with the above for argument's sake. I don't relate well to other people, in part because I don't really like people with my own interests (many times I find other writers to be arrogant, self absorbed, megalomaniacs who's reviews of their own talent far outweigh their actual talent), and I am a terrible liar in things that I just couldn't care less (talk to me about the weather and it's hard not to notice how visibly uncomfortable I am with a mixture of boredom and frustration).
I know that sounds selfish, but it's more that I just suck at relating to people and therefore have grown a distaste for it.
So what am I doing as an insurance agent? ...... I .....hmmm.... you got me, but really, what job to you give to a hermit?
A couple of days ago my boss was listening to one of my calls. The woman talked about an auto accident that she was involved in. She lives in Michigan and was hit by a teenage boy who was high on something (or so she says). She was hurt for a couple of weeks but all in all no long-term injuries. I expressed sympathy as best as I could and moved on to the next question.
Customer: It was awful, he was on drugs and he hit me and it hurt blah blah blah
Me: Oh that's terrible (2 second pause) what's your home phone number?
Customer: ###-###-#### and you wouldn't believe it, Michigan is a no fault state so nothing happened to him and we live in a small town and so his dad knows the judge here and he got off free and clear.
Me: That is so unfair (2 second pause) with whom are you currently insured?
Customer: You know what the worst part is?
Me: What's that (exasperated)
Customer: That my insurance had to pay for my own repairs because Michigan is a no fault state.
Me: Ya, that doesn't seem fair (2 second pause) what was your social security number again?

I thought I was doing great, I was expressing understanding and moving the conversation along. I just wanted the conversation to end so I did everything in my power to end it. I tried to be sympathetic, but there is little hiding that I just don't give a crap. I tried to sputter out some form of sympathy, but I just can't relate to people that just don't deal with it and get over it. Back to a previous post that I wrote, I think that we all feel a desire to justify ourselves to others (in this case this woman was embarrassed that she was involved in an accident and had to go out of her way to prove to me that she was not at fault). I often feel the desire to do this, but I have to constantly remind myself that no one else cares. You marry one person because they care and that is who you share all that garbage with, but remember, no one else cares, so just keep it to yourself, unless it's funny. It's okay to share tragedy if you make it entertaining, but if you are just endlessly complaining, best to keep that to yourself.
So my supervisor pulled me to his desk after the call and said that I talk to fast.....shocking! and regarding the sympathy, "just fake it." The sad part, I was faking it. I was faking sympathy as best as humanly possible. On a side note if I would have gone in the polar opposite direction and been super sympathetic and not moved along the conversation I am sure I would have been called on the carpet about not controlling the conversation and staying on topic. There is no win at work. Work is a double edged sword into which I slam my face on a regular basis.
I don't mean to sound like a selfish jerk, but.......I got nothing....

Friday, January 2, 2009

My year in review

So, I don't really have any ideas with this post as I do on most others, I just saw everyone else talking about the year so I decided to do the same. A lot happened in 2008 like:..... Hmm..... 2008....2008? Nope.....nothing. Nothing of any importance whatsoever happened in 2008. It's a totally forgettable year, as a matter of fact, I have already forgotten it. Well, happy new year to you all.