or even a due date for that matter, much to the protest of my wife. We don't really have anything to compare it to, so I told my wife that if she wants to change, it is completely up to her. The final straw came when my sister in law accompanied my wife to hear the baby's heart beat, the doctor came in the room by accident and only stayed because in his words, "he was already there." My sister in law confirmed that the doctor was an inattentive piece of pooh and so we have an appointment tomorrow in which we may possibly have an ultrasound.Other than that, she is doing well. It has been confirmed that the thing growing in my wife's womb is singular which is nice.
Anyway, enough about her, this blog is about me.....me me me.
I had a couple of ideas for posts, but the one that I have for today has to do with a dream that I have had for a while. I am a huge fan of The Onion (http://www.theonion.com/). I think satire is a thinking man's humor (not to discount other types of humor; I like Dumb and Dumber just as much as the next man). I have always wanted to write an article for the onion, but haven't been able to think of anything truly creative. The Onion is pretty hit and miss. When it's funny, it's very funny, but otherwise it can be amusing, but overall "meh."
I was driving to work and noticed a big elegant sign in a window that ready, "Going out of Business." It was multicolored and approximately 4 feet high by 2.5 feet wide. So, here is the article that that single sign spawned.
Bob's Bad News Banners Thrives amid Crumbling Market
Here on the corner of recession and depression, on the corner of Bankruptcy and Foreclosure, on the corner of failing business and mortgage disasters, on the corner of Broadway and 43rd, on the corner across from that yellow house with green trim where that crazy lady
who thinks she can talk to cats lives, stands Bob's Bad News Banners and a testament to survival in this dire market. While unemployment has nearly tripled over the last year, BBNB has doubled its workforce. While major auto companies beg congress for bailouts, BBNB has seen record sales. What does Bob do? you ask. Bob designs specialty signs for businesses, going out of business. "Going out of Business," "Store Closing Sale," "Foreclosure Sale," and even "Moving to Hawaii;" Bob says he can't keep up enough stock for the demand."I would get a contract for a retirement sale banner once a week or so, but since the market fallout, I don't know what to do with all the money I am making!" Bob exclaimed. Bob's operation has taken on 3 new employees and is planning its first expansion.
Bob's story of success is an example to all those around him. One florist shop closing due to months of unpaid lease dues is starting a collections agency. "I saw what Bob was doing, making
the best of a bad situation, and I thought to myself, how can I cash in on other people's misery? It wasn't but a couple of minutes before I got a call from a collector and it hit me, where there is debt there is need of collection." The florist is not the only person finding new life in the dead economy. Several of the employees from a corner Starbucks have pooled their money together to buy a tow truck that they report will be used for repossessions. "This baby is going to make us millions," part owner John Wilcox said excitedly. When asked how Bob could help others in these times filled with struggled he left us with these words of advice, "The economy is great, just not the main one, sometimes you have to signs to people who go out of business, and after that, sell shopping carts to them when they lose their homes, it's opportunity, and it's knocking, you just have to answer the call."Meh..... That wasn't as funny as it probably should have been, but really the joke was very singular and probably not funny enough in principle to spawn a good satirical article. I bet with some edits it could be quite a bit funnier. Anyway....Long post, thanks for listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment