The best night of your entire life, brought to you by Ambien

I am not a picky eater, but I hate green beans. They seem so innocent. Green beans have little flavor, it's almost like saying you don't like lettuce, but for some reason my body will not allow them in the stomach. Needless to say, some people have different reactions to ingesting different items; The same is true when it comes to drugs and for the purposes of this post, the same is true when it comes to taking Ambien.
I got a prescription for Ambien about a year and a half ago for an international flight that I was going to be taking. I wanted to be unconscious for the duration so I went to the doctor and got a prescription. I took a single pill within the first couple days after filling the prescription and it was without exaggeration, the best sleep I have ever had in my entire life. I fell asleep seconds after I took the pill; I slept for 8 hours to the minute; I woke up without any drowsiness and didn't feel tired the whole day after.
Ambien is known to be extremely addictive and I understand why, it's a great drug, but in my defense, a year and a half later, I am still on my first 30 pills.
My experiences with Ambien have all been relatively similar, but my wife is a totally different story. The following are the only two times that I ever let me wife take Ambien.

1. After a fairly traumatic experience in flight my wife and I finally made it to Ecuador. It was the first time in about 6 years that my wife had been back to her home country and things were winding down from an exciting first day. My wife thought that there was no way that she would get to sleep and asked to take one of my Ambien. I thought it harmless enough and allowed her to take half of a pill. She woke up several times in the middle of the night because of nightmares and unable to tell the difference between being awake and asleep she would wake up breathing heavy screaming for me because someone was after her. I tried to console her, but with eyes wide open she would swear that someone was there and trying to hurt her. (needless to say I didn't sleep much) This happened a few times until she eventually drifted into complete unconsciousness. In the morning, I got up and showered and then tried to wake up my wife. I sat at the side of the bed in the hotel in which we were staying and kissed her cheek.......nothing. I then softly said her name in her ear......nothing. I then said her name in her ear......nothing. I then yelled her name...... nothing. Ambien, I thought, had killed my wife. I checked for breathing and was relieved (I mean, who gave her the Ambien?) to find that everything appeared normal, except the fact that this girl was aaaasleep. I put my hand on her should and gently shook her saying her name in a not so quiet fashion. She moved and mumbled. I was done playing loving husband and was worried enough to just do anything possible to wake her up. I then shook her a little harder and yelled her name. She mumbled, as if still asleep, "I can't open my eyes." Then again, more clearly, as if waking, said, "I can't open my eyes." Then she started getting scared and crying because she couldn't open her eyes. I thought to myself, "I know what I will do, I will open her eyes for her."...........Nope......the problem was not that her eyelashes had crusted together and made it impossible for her to open her eyes, it was rather that she has no muscular control over her eyelids and therefore could not open them. When I opened them for her, she couldn't see anything. She was scared that she had gone blind. I tried to wake her up more and get her to sit up, which was a struggle because she had about as much muscle control as a corpse and it was like trying to position a body without bones. I eventually got her sitting up, but she still couldn't see. At this time, my wife's sister was in the room, clapping in front of my wife's face to try to get her up (she also splashed water on her face. (This was more the "we're breaking up and I hate you" splashing water in the face, rather than the you're a catholic baby being baptized splash in the face.) She opened her eyes under her own power about 15 very long minutes after me first trying to wake her up. She stumbled into the shower and to this day does not remember that morning.

You would think that after that experience I would never let me wife take another Ambien ever again, but I am retarded and the hope of result was greater for my wife than the memory of reality so she begged me to allow her to take another. I am not sure why I did it, but I did and the following was the result.

2. Several months had passed since the first experience with my wife and the wonder-drug that is Ambien and she couldn't sleep. I allowed her to take 1/3 of a pill, knowing that a half a pill was probably a bit much for her. She fell asleep quickly, but within an hour shot up in bed crying that someone was going to get her. Her eyes were closed, but it didn't stop the tears of fear from flowing from her eyes. I asked her who was after her and she responded, "He won't let me see his face." I made some joke that I can't now remember and my wife laughed hysterically. She went back to sleep and I went back to a game of Tetris on my phone. Within minutes she looked over at what I was doing and started laughing at my game. She said, "That game is silly" and giggled. She took the phone from my hands and exited the game, looking at the digital icons that moved when highlighted. She giggled endlessly saying, "They are mooooooving, that's so silly." I paused for a moment and in shock said, Sweetie, you are high!" And sure enough, she was......very high. I have heard since that if you stay awake on Ambien that it makes you high, but had no idea at the time and because Ambien apparently had no power to put my wife to sleep, it only worked to get her as high as a kite. She woke up again later that night swearing that someone was after her, but I handed her my open phone and the giggles ensued.

We didn't have the traumatic experience waking her up the following morning, but the two experiences were enough for me to hide my prescription. Funny, because I couldn't stay awake after taking a pill if I tried. Ambien hits me like a truck and I am relatively certain that I could fall asleep standing up with a little help from my best friend Ambien.