Vacation And Continued Bed Rest

Next week I will be on Vacation and man do I need it. I spend more time in front of a screen than any reasonable human being should. In between writing and work and Netflix to go to bed, chances are if I am not in front of a screen, I am playing with blocks with the man-child.

I am going to go screenless this vacation, bring a book and see if I am still literate. No TV, no phone games, and no computer (sounds boring, but my poor mind and eyes deserve it.) So enjoy the week without me because I know I will.

Although that reminds me, I need to charge the old MP3 player because while going without screens won't be too horrible, if I have to drive without music I am liable to throw the car and everyone in it off an embankment. (That might have been a bit harsh, I will be super bored and/or tired.)

I recently changed my desktop picture on my computer. I had a great picture of Abe smiling and I switched it for a Banksy painting.

I don't like feeling guilty about it, but is there some parental law that states that I must have a picture of my kids on the desktop of my computer? It would certainly seem so as it is the social norm, but no there is no law (probably is one in Alabama). So I changed it, and I will change it again, and again and again when I see awesome art or pictures and if one of those pictures happens to be of my child/children then so be it. I apparently couldn't get away from a family related background though. Even anarchists have moms that love them.

A Quick Question

Does anyone else flush the toilet before they get done peeing to see if they can time it just right so that you finish up as everything gets flushed?

If not, give it a shot. Take it from a pro.

I am not sure whether to apologize for the brevity or the topic, but you are welcome for not having a picture with this post.

This May Be Why I Take Breaks

I have had a hard time being consistent in writing in the blog, and that may be because I need a month or two to un-repress some memories to share with you.

The wife is on bed rest, and not the kind of bed rest that means that she can go out and do what she wants, just take it a little bit easier. She is on, get your butt back to bed sort of bed rest.

We are getting immense support from the ward and there is not enough that can be said to adequately express our gratitude to my mom who is making us dinners and to our ward that is baby-sitting Abraham for a few hours each day. Abe doesn't do great with other people. He is used to having one or both of his parents around all the time, so when we try to leave him at my parents' house for example, he flips the crap out. He eventually accepts that we are gone, but needs to be entertained to keep his mind off his missing parents.

The babysitter today has two or three daughters who kept him occupied. Abe seems to really like to be with other kids even if he doesn't play with them directly. When the babysitter said he did well, I incredulously asked, "really?" Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled, just surprised.

Good job buddy.

Funny Stuff

I thought I would share a couple of the funny things I have come across this week. The wife has had a rough couple of days. Her brother was here which means that she exerted a bit more energy than a 7-month pregnant should; so she is a bit cramped up. We filled her up with calcium supplements and will be getting a massage which hopefully help her out, but it doesn't do us any good to dwell on discomfort.

Let's get on with the funny.

Think, Think, Don't Speak

I will get back to lackluster insights and embarrassing stories from my youth, but my mind has been occupied with babies recently. I definitely have a father's eye now. I think babies are cute, that is unless they are ugly and I would even tell their parents that I think they are cute, but I have one large problem. About three months ago I decided I wasn't going to shave or get my hair cut until Evelyn joins us in the land outside the womb. Don't ask my why, I just thought it would be funny to have the first picture with Evelyn be insane.

I think that people need to be self aware when they make certain comments. A 300lb man should not interject in a conversation about dieting, unless he used to be 500lbs... in that case, congratulations buddy, you're doing great. A white guy shouldn't talk to his black friends about being the victim of prejudice. For me, a guy that hasn't shaved, had his hair cut, or kept good grooming habits for the last several months shouldn't comment on how cute your baby is. If a guy that looked like me, came up to my son and commented on his appearance, I would think that he wanted to eat him (on a completely unrelated side note, that baby in the super market looked delicious).

(This is not me by the way, but how would you like this creepy mess to tell you your baby is cute?)

Sometimes people want to open their mouths without thinking, but you don't want to be the cop that shoots himself talking about gun safety.

Nothing To Write, So Here's A Video

This is one of my favorite videos of Hercules with a funny surprise.

I don't know that there is any logical reason that this video cracks me up so much, but when Abe jumps in to get his second in front of the camera I just can't help myself.

T-Minues 4 Weeks and Counting

My wife went to the doctor (you know... the baby one) for her now weekly checkup and it turns out the Evelyn is getting ready to go and probably won't be in there for more than another 4 weeks or so. I will spare you the gory details but basically what happened is the doctor stuck her arm in Pia's (oh man, my mom reads this.... uh) fun palace?... no that's probably too obscene, uh...baby void, yeah that's perfect. Anyway, she was fishing around in her baby void and felt the baby's head which I guess means that she's all ready to dive head first into this mess of a life. (Good luck sweety.)

I am pretty excited, and not just because I am taking a week off for paternity leave. I can, but for dramatic purposes will say I can't wait to see her. Still no middle name set in stone, so this is your last chance to throw your suggestion out there.

In non baby news... I've got nothing.

Have a great night.

A Day Late, But About Time

Happy 5th of July everybody.

While I was not writing Pia became a citizen of the United States of America. So now we can only judge her based on skin color and heritage, not nationality. Oh well, 2 out of 3 isn't so bad. Congratulations, now let's go sign you up for some social services!

Honey, can I take off my shoes?

That question can be interpreted, "can I please be done for the day?"

We have a water cooler that uses 5 gallon containers which need to be filled up once a week or so. When I have to get water the process is as follows:

collect jugs

find the lids

put the jugs in the car

drive a mile to the water store

fill up the jugs

carry the full jugs one at a time to my car

drive home

carry the jugs one at a time in the house

put one of the jugs in the water cooler (which means that I am going to get wet to some degree.

You know what the worst part of that whole process is? Even before the first step, it's putting on my shoes. I shower and get dressed in the beginning of my day like everyone else, but whether I am leaving the house immediately or not, I put on my shoes. My shoes stay on until the end of my day. Removing my shoes is less an act of comfort than an outward sign that I am done for the day. Sometimes my shoes don't come off until bedtime, but sometimes at noon I will ask my wife, "honey, can I take off my shoes?" and that is me asking permission to spend the rest of the day in the house.

Of course, putting on the shoes is not really a problem, but it's the step I hate the most because it's starting an errand on a day I had already promised to a mixture of the couch and the bed.

Where did you come from?

I hadn't looked at "Shoot me in the Face" for a while, but a writing job has presented itself and I want that job more than Headline News wants the Casey Anthony case to go on forever. Seeing the job posting made me realize that it's not so much that job that I want (holy crap do I want that job), but I want to write.

I used to be a regular at an open mic in Mesa at which I performed my satirical form of yelled word (spoken word doesn't really do it justice as I was bereft of a beret and bongo drum). The host of said open mic and I would talk from time to time and when I told him I was getting married he warned me to not forget my writing and that when he started a family that his writing stopped altogether and only came back years later.

I did pretty well after being married, but when Abraham came to us my writing all but stopped. It was hard to find a quiet time when I wasn't completely exhausted in which I could put pen to paper. I also used to just pickup my notebook and drive until I found a good place to write. For me, writing is a dedicated process and it's difficult, if not impossible to get back on my jumbled curvy line of logic if I am distracted or torn away for too long.

I have discussed this with the wife and we agree that I should be writing more and she will help me in finding dedicated time in which I can put in headphones and concentrate. That being said, I renewed my Pandora subscription. Music has always helped me write. Something about the rhythm, if I hear a good song, my keystrokes align themselves with the beat and words poor out like the insane blabberings of a sidewalk hobo. On a side note, Tom Petty's Wildflowers is the best album I have found to have on while writing (I wish I knew why, but give it a shot).

So here is to you, the 7 people following this blog that magically appeared, my new initiative to write. While I hope you enjoy it, let's be honest, this is for me; so if you don't like it you can always go here.