Compartmentalizing your disappointment

People deal with rejection in different ways. Some get sad, some get angry, and other are ambivalent. I for one get bitter. I have received approximately 10 rejection notices in my job search and part of me wants to respond something like this, "You think I am not good enough for your stupid company? I will show you. I will take the next job that walks through this door and I will do the best damned job ever. I don't even care what it is, but I will become the best at it and you will regret the day that you turned me away." Then McDonalds offers that cashier job and I become the best fry cook that company has ever seen. I don't like my job, but it does provide my family with a comfortable income.

There is danger in these rejections because as the mountain of rejections pile up, I feel a significant pressure to take anything that is offered to me. This may make more sense if I were unemployed, but the walls aren't closing in on me in the same way as if I were unemployed. Maybe the idea of being trapped in my current job is just as terrifying as being unemployed (never having been unemployed that is probably totally inaccurate).

Part of me just wants to get some piece of crap job and finish the last classes I need for my computer engineering degree, but I just don't see how my family can survive on that little income. I am probably making excuses, but going to school and the pressure of my current job just seems insurmountable. After an extremely rough September I know for a fact that I have to work overtime to simply make goal. 40 hours just doesn't cut it and that's a bummer, but... well, but nothing, that's a bummer.

Being an adult is hard.

Now that I have opened up to the idea of moving, I am dying to move.

I am off to bed, working a full shift of overtime tomorrow. I am not opposed to long hours and hard work. I believe that I would be more open to the idea of working harder for projects or for something that I do well, but working slave hours in the same menial task of which the results are still uncertain can be soul crushing.

This post was a bit of a downer (takes gun out of mouth), but it's been a hard few weeks. Searching for a job is me having to go face to face with my two greatest fears (fear of failure and fear of rejection). I think I am doing well and taking my rejections/failures in stride. I just keep plugging away and that is fine for now.